Y'kno why suicides are higher in men?

Because women always halfass the job.

Merry Christmas ya fucks.

You know you getting old af when you be opening a soda bottle thinking... what's gonna twist off, the lid or my wrist?

There's a big difference in asking, 'can you get me a sammich?'. vs. 'Get me a sammich!'

Even Alexa agrees

Never expect to eat three packets of starburst and not have bad guts.

I had to pee,

I had to pee at 2,

Oh what a thing to do.

And it was so yellow.

I don't even know where you'd buy corn flour, in a shop or somet

Ya pants still dry the same on Christmas day!

Merry Christmas!

Have you ever considered when someone says, "they're aren't enough hours in the day", that If there were more hours in the day we'd probably be used to the extra hours; so in theory there could never be enough.

Think about it.

Have you ever been enjoying a nice breeze and then let off a sweet fart only to know it was a totally legitimate fart? That's what I call living.

The sounds of the city seem to be a noise or a ruckus but now and then you get used to them and it's ambient, does this mean your mind becomes a ruckus or do the cold and damp streets downtown become ambient? One should look long and hard for the answer and maybe it'll fix the world...Maybe.